ThinkingSkull.com

In the great State of Florida, the divorce rate is worse than one out of two marriages ending abruptly, so you must either take a class (consisting of reading a pamphlet in the lobby) or wait extra days between applying for and receiving permission to marry. So there was my future wife and I sitting quietly together reading about the horrors and ruin of divorce (including eternal damnation!), but I finished first and turned in my “test.” The woman behind the counter only then began to fill out the license paperwork.

I supplied my name, current address, and all the usual things used to steal identities, and then she asked me if I was born in Florida. I answered no, so she asked me for my home state. “West Virginia,” I answered.

The woman smiled weakly and glanced down at her sheet. She repeated the question as if she hadn’t heard me correctly, and I answered again. Her eyes darted about the paperwork frantically before she drew a long, air-of-superiority breath and said, “We don’t list geographical regions with the state code, so I’ll just pencil in Virginia, okay?”

At this point I heard my wife suppress a giggle, which was immediately picked up on by the suddenly panicked office worker. As her hand slowly reached under the desk to push the silent emergency “angry redneck alarm,” I calmly asked if there was anyone else to speak to. Withdrawing her hand with angry empowerment, she demanded to know why she was no longer sufficient to handle my business.

“Because West Virginia is an actual state,” I answered.

Apparently the office manager had not only been listening in but finally made a personal appearance to correct the office worker, who had to be shown a list of the two-letter codes for all fifty states before she glared at me as if I’d somehow added this new information to her chart just for spite.

Your tax dollars at work, folks.

According to a BBC article citing a recent declassified 2003 US government document, “The US military seeks the capability to knock out every telephone, every networked computer, every radar system on the planet,” all part of the “Information Operations Roadmap” strategy for electronic warfare.

Well, yeah. What did you think the first thing you would do to an enemy is? Blind them, quiet them, cut them off from supplies, and get as many to surrender as you can!

All right, the bottom line here is the internalizing of these policies, like the CIA-paid pro-US articles in Iraqi papers, or the African or Balkins info sites. These are the same tactics used by the media and big business to make a new product the next hip cool thing. You know, “Catholicism, WOW!”

To elaborate, I recently received a call from “La Resistance,” who informed me that some new website called Freedom21.org had the best chance to reverse the subversive “Illuminati” society from continuing to take away American freedoms in exchange for the illusion of safety and the reality of being entertained, drugged-out, complacent or mindless drones (if it’s not TOO LATE ALREADY). I was also happy to point out that the ACLU was also fighting that same good fight, and that my happy pills were none of his concern because I wasn’t going to tell him where I get them.

So, for all those out there who really know what president-actual Dick Chaney is really doing in his undisclosed location while puppeteering his Shadow Government, the question you should be asking is, “What is a civilization?” and “What is a democracy?” and “What is freedom?”

Answers.com defines civilization as, “An advanced state of intellectual, cultural, and material development in human society, marked by progress in the arts and sciences, the extensive use of record-keeping, including writing, and the appearance of complex political and social institutions.” But for any civilization to exist, there must be rules, and there must be rules for setting those rules, and there must rules to determine who sets these rules. If the rules are not followed, civilization risks anarchy; if the rules don’t work, civilization risks destruction.

Freedom is defined as, “The condition of being free of restraints,” but also adds pretty much anything you can think of in the way of specifics, such as, “Liberty of the person from slavery, detention, or oppression,” or so-called basic human rights. Democracy is at its core defined as, “Majority rule,” which means that the Palestinians Hamas who won their election are practicing the purest form of democracy in citing their desires toward the elimination of Israel. Sounds like democracy can sometimes conflict with the whole freedom thing, huh?

Guys, it’s like this. We all gotta get along. There’s no unknown frontier to move to and start “Yourland” where all the rules favor only you (actually, there really NEVER was considering what was done to all the indiginous peoples of these “new” lands). But as long as the means exist for common citizens to refute or revoke government policy, nothing is actually broken yet. If people become complacent and apathy rules their thoughts, it’s the same as they had cast a vote to be fat, dumb, and happy that someone else is making decisions for them; they’ve made their choice.

If, on the other hand, you feel politically motivated enough to challenge a domino-effect of apparently compromised rights to privacy and so forth, why would you sneak around in shadows clamoring that it’s all a conspiracy and whispering for people to be ready to arm themselves? (Hint: that’s what crazy people do, and crazy people go away to keep from spooking the other complacent cattle.) Get active, get seen, and for pity’s sake do it in public and follow the established rules. Get blogging. But if you really think they’re listening right now, what would possess you to tell me all this over a telephone?!

Note: I didn’t come up with this, but I’d sure like to give proper credit to whomever did. If that’s you or you know where it is, email me the link so all’s well. In the meantime, I’m sharing.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky b*st*rds. (amen!)

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we’re done.

New Rule: There’s no such thing as flavoured water. There’s a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavoured water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s your flavoured water.

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his a** will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a**hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet,” ooh, you’re a huge a**hole.

New Rule: I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding,
no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your a**. And it translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What’s next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They’re already doing that. It’s called “The Howard Stern Show.”

New Rule: I don’t need a bigger mega M&M. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the
reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had s*x with George Michael. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don’t want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

According to WordSpy:

fauxhemian (FOH.hee.mee.un) adj. Relating to something that is bohemian in a fake or pretentious manner. —n. A middle class or wealthy person who affects a countercultural lifestyle. Also: faux-hemian

What a fun little concept, embracing your material wealth and your counterculture, too. And why not? If you don’t want to listen to corporate radio filled with commercial pop tunes, buy an iPod and fill it iTunes you’ve downloaded on your officially-rebel Apple laptop. Everyone has a little bohemian in them, and if retailers can figure out how to sell to your particular niche market (Hot Topic, Spencer’s Gifts, WhateverYouWant.com), you can stick it to ‘the man’ with your Thundercats Season One collection in one hand and your video iPod in the other. Who wants to keep up with the Jones’ when you have cooler stuff and better taste anyway?

I’ve coded web pages by hand, but it wasn’t until “blogging” software started being developed that I felt comfortable with giving up my happy “code is speghetti” way of writing things for the web. I’ve tried phpNuke and MovableType and so forth, but only WordPress has shown enough flexiblility and built-in content management to allow the small press publisher and do-it-yourself blogger to feel both empowered and supported.

And now, WordPress 2.0 is out! I like it so far, although it has a few new features I prefer not to use, WordPress still doesn’t force me to use them (just one more reason to love it!)

Alignment:
Neutral Evil characters believe in Number One. Their personal gain takes precedance over all else, and they will work with whomever necessary and whatever institutions necessary to further their own goals.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Secondary Class:
Clerics are the voices of their God/desses on Earth. They perform the work of their deity, but this doesn’t mean that they preach to a congregation all their lives. If their deity needs something done, they will do it, and can call upon that deity’s power to accomplish their goals.

Deity:
Velsharoon is the Neutral Evil god of necromancy, liches, and undeath. He is also known as the Vaunted, the Archmage of Necromancy, and the Lord of the Forgotten Crypt. His followers practice the necromantic arts, and raise the dead to do their bidding. His symbol is a crowned skull.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan (e-mail) It’s fun!