Goodbye, Gramma K
I have a very good memory about things I’ve seen or experienced; I can replay events in my head vividly, which comes in handy reviewing films. I can distinctly recollect many events from when I lived in Cottageville, West Virginia before I was old enough for grade school: being carried in someone’s arms from the back room to the living room, when I first got up the courage to walk to the end of the road, riding a “big wheel” down the hill behind our house, and when the baby sitter ran out to me when I fell off the elementary school “slicky slide.”
What I cannot recollect was being taken out by my Gramma K to run whatever errands she had to do in spite of her repeated insistence that she provided my “education in manners” during my formative years. “You were such a well-behaved baby… once I got a hold of you,” she’d say. Perhaps the unsubstantiated rumors that one or more of my parents were slipping booze into my bottle as an infant (you know, as a sleeping aid) had something to do with that.
Just the Fax, Ma’am
This Dilbert strip (remember him?) reminded me of a bothersome trend I’ve been seeing at my day job. Seriously, is there any excuse for intentionally wanting to use a fax machine to do anything these days?
The first occasion was for a restaurant looking to spur sales online by creating a website to receive orders. What a great idea… until the owner asked if we could have the state-of-the-art website direct the orders to a fax instead of to email. Apparently the computer is in a dungeon-like back office room and he didn’t want to have to go to the back to check for orders. My question was, why don’t you bring the computer up front to where your business is going on? Turn it on, load up Firefox, link your email to an extension with an alarm and POOF! Instant computerized order alerts.
This was followed soon after by a supply company that wanted to assess the costs of adding products for them. They needed the fax number so that they could send us sixty-three pages of catalog entries… wasting ink, paper, money (if it isn’t their fax machine) and who knows how much time when we tell them how many thousands of dollars it’s gonna cost. Why thousands? Because they will then want us to retype those catalog entries into the computer individually.
To put this in perspective, imagine someone insisting that you must fill a gasoline tanker truck by dipping individual cupfuls of fuel from a barrel with a shot glass and pouring it in rather than use a pump hose. The only consolation? Charging $100 an hour to do it for them.
I may be able to retire if I ever finish.
Suffering from Reader’s Block
I used to be a rabid reader. Not like some of my friends, but up until I got out of the Navy, I used to read quite a bit. Then I started going to movies regularly and began reviewing. On occasion, I would run into the dilemma of comparing a film with the book, which isn’t something I wanted to do. Comparing a film to its inspirations (book, television, comic) nearly always results in a skewed experience because changes will happen.
I also write a lot and plot out stories. In the Navy, I started carrying a notebook to jot down ideas, and one notebook turned into many (I have a cabinet drawer full, in fact.) Recently I have also gotten the itch to take those notes and ideas and start shaping them, trying to find the story or setting in the idea or thought. A few have actually started demanding my time to get them on paper, and the results have been interesting.
Sadly, I now find myself with a terrible problem: I can’t read anymore. Not to say I have amnesia or am illiterate, it’s just that I have started three different books in the last year and can’t seem to get more than a few pages in before becoming hopelessly lost. Why? Because the moment I start imagining the story an author is presenting to me, I immediately shift over to one of my own unfinished stories and start mentally scripting.
Perhaps the only cure may be to get as many rough drafts down on paper as possible while I’m so inclined (before I shift to another project.) My question is, has anyone else every experienced this phenomenon?
Creative Puns for Educated Minds
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
Veterans Day 2009
It has recently occurred to me that, since being out of the military, I’ve never once had a Veterans Day off that I can recall. Sure, I meet some other local vets at Golden Corral the Monday before or after (is it me or does the free buffet taste better than the pay-for version?) but I usually have to work that day (and I’m thankful that I’m able to, too.)
Anyway, if you love being able to pursue your passion, better your circumstance, or just sit on your can and watch television, thank a vet… that’s why you still even HAVE a choice.
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