ThinkingSkull.com

Here’s something I was recently reminded of: going out for a drink vs. going drinking.

As a creative self-starter, any time I take for myself is usually spent writing, creating, illustrating, or whatever. I can’t fathom doing something nonconstructive, so even when it comes time to relax, go out, or visit with friends, I’ve never understood the need to imbibe more alcohol than a brewery can churn out in week. Exaggeration aside, what makes someone desire to go out with the sole intent of getting hammered and playing a nightly game of “let’s see if I wake up in my own bed.”

Do I enjoy having a drink? Sure. I LOVE gin, especially mixed as a Tom Collins (learned that one from my parents). I try to sample the Sangria at any restaurant that carries it (usually Mexican or Italian), there’s nothing quite so refreshing as a chilled pint of Woodchuck Amber hard cider on tap at your favorite English or Irish pub (especially if you’re in England or Ireland).

The two times I’ve been plastered was once in Spain at a “Medieval Times” type of theater that included a seven-course meal and all you could drink (which is how I learned to love my Sangria) and another time when I thought I’d try making my own Tom Collins (hint: always follow the instructions). Both times I was being chauffeured about and neither time did I intend to impair myself as much as I did. Fun? Yes. Hangover? No, but I was still in my twenties both times.

I didn’t like the feeling of being consciously aware there was nothing I could do but wait it out. Is the idea to drink so much you forget how much you’ve had? Does the “enhanced” fun begin before you can’t stand up or after your friends pose you on the couch and take pictures? Of course, then there are the “drinking games” so your friends can become the home entertainment system for everyone. And don’t get me started on the jungle juice incident at college when the entire floor of the dorm had a nice coat of fresh, pink vomit (and not just in the bathrooms stalls, either).

Woo hoo! Beer me, dude! Party on!

First they tell me to bring in my skull collection, then they tell me not to. Fine, whatever, but since I actually have my own desk, it’s nice to have it looking like someplace familiar rather than another reminder that middle-class me works 40 hours a week for “the man.”

Since it’s no secret that I shoot my Reaper videos at home (yes, I have headstones on the wall for ambiance and other creepy things), I decided that, in the interest of giving management less ammunition, to go all science fiction:

I found a retro-looking, goose-neck, brushed-aluminum desk lap at Linens & Things (which are going out of business right now), and it reminded me of the Men in Black films, the sort of retro-tech look where everything is silvery and metallic. A couple of deeply discounted picture frames, blue party bulbs, and a few reconstructed black & white printouts of the MIB logo (the atomic symbol on the floor when Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones walk into the elevator), this was the result. I put a copy of the logo in the inset for detail.

Looks like those set dressing skills from college theater are still working, hmm?

Recently, one of the few credit card accounts I’m still paying off suddenly jumped due dates to an earlier date, causing an automatic “late” fee of $35.00. When I called, they were only too happy to remove the charge and explained that the “billing cycle” had changed from 31 days to 23 days. Everything was okay, however, because they could also change it back. The explanation was something about the due date being X number of days after the bill went out, fine, okay, great, whatever.

Then, another card did the same thing a few weeks later. Huh? Calling the second card got me the same response and another refund, this time with an explanation that all store accounts owned by “whatever card” were doing this. Again the charge was reversed without further hassle, and the due date was changed back by whatever realignment was necessary.

It has become obvious to me that, in addition to incurring $70.00 in fees because someone in a glass tower said, “Hey, let’s do everything THIS way,” they would have been happy to keep those $35.00 charges if no one had called them. My question is, was generating and keeping fees the reason behind doing this in the first place?

This scam is almost exactly like those “purchase rebate” schemes. You buy at full price but will get money back (The more you spend, the more you SAVE!!!), but if you don’t send the rebate in or miss crossing a “t” or dotting an “i,” the card company keeps the money, which is how the rebate company who designed the program is paid (by hedging their bets that people, being people, will forget or not bother). Since rebates are on their way out (suckers have caught on), is calling in once a month and asking NOT to move our billing date the only way we can expect not to incur mystery fees (which, of course, still have to be resolved with another call?)

Is anyone else enjoying this new scheme besides middle-class me?

I grew up on fast food. I can’t eat it like I once did (or even want to), but there are certain tastes that I remember enjoying, like a Bic Mac or the “crumbs” at Long John Silver’s. In fact, I’m still patiently waiting for Taco Bell’s “Baja Blast” to make it onto store shelves so I don’t feel compelled to buy a Meximelt when I’m craving a drink. I also remember eating at places that no one believes ever existed. Anyone remember Borden Burger? Burger Chef (and Jeff)? Frankenburger?

Speaking of McRestaurants, I still reluctantly have an appetite for the occasional $1 Double Cheeseburger, which makes a nice, hot, quick snack lunch when a turkey sandwich leaves you cold. Up until now, it was part of the over-publicized “Dollar Value Menu,” but now there’s a NEW $1 sandwich: the $1 McDouble, which is exactly like the Double Cheeseburger but with one less slice of cheese.

Now, you CAN still get a sandwich with both patties and two slice of cheese, but now it’ll cost you $1.19 and isn’t actually on the “Dollar Menu” anymore. That’s still a deal if you consider a regular Cheeseburger is 96 cents (Wow… a whole extra burger patty for 6 cents!) but it really doesn’t taste the same. Of course, you could always do what I do for those 2 for $2 breakfast sausage & egg biscuit sandwich deals at McD’s… bring your own slices of cheese to avoid being charged full price for a special order!

Well, why does McDonald’s put cheese on English muffins but not on their biscuit sandwiches, anyway? Isn’t it bad enough I can have a free coffee I don’t want with my breakfast or get charged an arm and leg for an orange juice? Plus, I live in Florida! Shouldn’t there be a tree out in front of the restaurant I can tap?

Uh oh… I think the souvenir cold I brought back from Thanksgiving vacation is affecting my brain. I could go for some Count Chocula, though… it turns milk chocolaty!